one month of hormonal delight

1 month photo shoot

1 month stats
weight- 10.8 pounds.. measured by Blake weighing himself and then her with him
head circumference 39.5
Max hours sleeping in a row 5 (once)
Average time between feeding 2.5 hours
Average number of outfits per day - 4
number of pictures- too many to count
animal imitations- lion (when yawning), snake (pretty much all the rest of the time when awake), and kitten (she enjoys purring when sleeping)
baseball games attended- 1
maximum time in stroller- 1.5 hours
cuteness factor- about a million
1 month photo shoot. 4/29/09

Here we are at the baseball game! She is getting started early.

I wish I could adequately qualify all the emotions challenges feelings and joy this last month has brought. As it is, I am not sure I even understand my personal transformation, much less possess the eloquence to describe it. That being said, I am compelled to at least attempt.

What is she looking at? Whatever it is she is intent!

My first month as a mother... wow I can't believe it has been a month. Lillian is growing cuter by the second and I don't want to miss one minute of her life, because, although she is not aware, I am all too aware, that this passes so fast. Currently she does not have a lot of tricks in her arsenal. She is extremely needy, and has slight confusion regarding day and night. She most likely has flash burn from the over 500 pictures taken, and counting, but she does not seem to mind. All in all, she is a great baby. Usually she cries with purpose and if you guess right, she is quickly consoled. While I don't want to wish away precious time, I look forward to the day when she smiles in recognition of her mom... or dad. I spend hours looking at her and think she is the most wonderful thing EVER. WoW, is this really me typing?

From a personal standpoint, I wish I could say that the hormones had subsided. Perhaps they have waned a bit. Now I only cry when there is a stimulus. It does not need to be a strong cause, but at least I can usually give a reason for the waterworks which have invaded my once more stoic existence. I have begun to blame fatigue for my emotional lability, though I fear part of me has forever embraced my heightened sensitivity. Maybe that is a good thing, we shall see.

I continue to stand in awe of God's wonderful creation... and in awe of the fact that I have a daughter that was completely grown inside of me. The past month has been a learning experience and I can't wait to see what will happen in the months ahead. Hopefully I will not be traumatized by the fact that my little girl is growing!

Our first road trip

This past weekend we loaded up half our house and headed to Nashville for Blake's 10 year MBA high school reunion. This trip made me anxious for several reasons the least of which was I was going to meet most of his friends for the first time three weeks after giving birth and I had nothing to wear. Lucky for me I am an astute TJ Maxx shopper. Additionally, I was a little nervous about driving 3 hours in the car and leaving her for an extended amount of time for the first time. A couple of days before we had given her her first bottle. Blake did the honors, and it was weird to see her getting her nutrition from someone else! She did pretty good. We will continue to practice in preparation for the dreaded start of residency.

Here is Lillian's first bottle. As and aside...note the massive mountain of laundry beside the couch... such is my life!

On the way down she was such a trooper. We stopped once for her to eat, but otherwise she was pretty content and took the car rides in stride. When we arrived in Nashville, Grammy had set up her crib (blake's old crib) in Blake's room and had it decorated with a bumper and cute striped sheet. She also had a basket of all kinds of baby care items which would have helped me eliminate about 1/3 of my load. I literally packed the entire house. Blake asked how we would fit everything in the car when we had to be gone a week. i told him that we would take the same amount just do laundry! Nonetheless I am happy to know on future trips I will not need to pack everything she owns.

This is my first nap in my "Grammy's house bed" The blanket is so soft and we love the polka dots!

Blake and I had a great time at the reunion, and there was no shortage of babysitters. We actually forgot something and had to go back to the house about 5 minutes after we left and three people were changing her diaper... now that's some teamwork.

Here we are getting ready for the reunion. I have always wanted a red dress!These are our good friends Erik and Michelle Milam. They were married the day before Lilly was born, and we were sad to miss it, though we got a good deal out of staying home!

She was carted around everywhere and even managed to watch Grammy and Kera finish the Nashville half marathon in 85 degree heat along with about 100,000 (not exaggerated) people.

Grammy and Aunt Kera did great in their race. Had I been a little more organized Lilly would have made some t-shirts to commemorate the event. Maybe next time!

Sunday we attended Grammy's church and showed her off, and then had lunch with Nonnie and Pops. I am learning how to feed her in a variety of interesting situations, and each day I learn to adjust to life with a 1 month old a little more.

Ready for church. This was the dress I wore in one of my aunts wedding. It has been very fun dressing her in the dresses that I remember from childhood pictures!

Popaw takes good care of Lilly... He has never moved so fast to come after her when the opportunity arises... I think she has plenty of love!Nonnie has her hands full. Check out Lilly's polo outfit! She is styling already.

LILLY SMILES!!

Lillian smiled today (not socially yet, in her sleep) but at least thanks to my handy work with the camera, we were able to capture it. Jac and I were talking about what we are going to do when she smiles for real and when she starts making other faces b/c we take millions of pictures already. Oh well. Here she is...and yes, it's true, she is REALLY, STINKING CUTE!!!

pictures and easter two posts down...

Here are a couple new pics. Look down two posts to see her first bath and easter dress. I did not get them uploaded in a timely fashion.

Blake is sporting the MOBY wrap. Everyone needs one. These are amazing, and you get to see what a kangaroo might feel like.

This is a gift from grammy... I think all diapers make butts look big!

The cherries are a shout out to Jodi... Jodi are you reading?

What 2 week old sleeps with her hands behind her head as though she is soaking up the rays on a sunny day?

I love this because this resembles a picture of her in the hospital.

Lilly's friend and potential future husband (though the list is long) made a bribe to move up the list with this swing! She likes it! Thanks Will~

i think this was my dress...

Like father like daughter. Blake is actually making fun of how our little pumpkin sleeps.

This is Lilly practicing her bad habit of only sleeping when held.

For those of you with face book. Lilly has more photos available at ashleigh peak photography. You can just search for her and get to her page without any problems. They are insanely good. I look like a goof in a couple of them, but alas, what can you do. The real star is Lilly, and Ashleigh for being so super amazing. I made sure to thank her for the fact that now I have to buy a ton of pictures instead of paying uncle sam!

Initiation into the club.

So I totally feel like I have been hazed into the fraternity of motherhood. Lately our sweet little Lilly has been spitting up in massive quantities. This resembles vomit, but is not which i have to clarify regularly to myself as I do my patients. I can now empathize with why they think it is vomit. What it is, however, is voluminous nasty spit up. This nasty habit has created some ritualistic feeding patterns on my part. I am always hesitant to feed her more after she has finished on one side because on more than one occasion this has produced a mess all over me, the boppy, her, her hair, the blankets etc. I still feed her, because you have to, but I am just holding my breath. This morning we were doing our routine. I feed her, burp her, she spits up, this time only a little, I feed her a little more, she burps, she spits up, then I hold her in the upright position trying no to irritate the reflux monster. After I held her for about 15 minutes I laid her on the bed so I could use the bathroom and brush my teeth. About the time I started brushing my teeth I heard her start to hiccup. A regular occurrence. So I go about my business keeping an eye on her. All of the sudden it happens. Massive eruption. She spit up all over the waterproof pad she was on, off the pad to the bed, she was laying in a puddle of spit up. It was in her hair... pretty much everywhere. Luckily after the previous spit ups of the day I had not put more clothes on her so we did not shed another outfit... just the sheets. so I get a towel, remove her from her puddle and realize that she has pooped and it was coming out her diaper. To the bath I thought. So we go to the whale tub and all is well, we get clean, wash all the milk off, and I take her out. As soon as I get her out of the tub and on my lap... she pees on me. REALLY? Are you serious. I mean it could not have been better planned. So I thought to myself as I started my first of 3 loads of laundry created since 6am this morning... so this is what it is really like! Too bad mom left before the real laundry began. I don't think our sheets have been changed twice in one week EVER. With this episode I welcomed myself to the club!

Lilly has a belly button and her first Easter all in the same week.

Well Saturday morning was the day! Lilly had been hanging on to her cord for two weeks, and though it looked like it was getting close to falling off, it was still attached as of the first feeding. When I woke up to feed her the second time that morning, I picked her up and did a double take. What was that black thing in the bed? A Bug? Blood? what in the world. Then it hit me. I jerked up her gown and there it was... her little belly button. She was not as excited about this as I was. I took a picture of the cord in her basket, and took a picture of her new button!

The cord in the basket... sorry for those with a weak stomach, but this is monumental!

I then proceeded to sing... you get to take a big girl bath for easter... you get to take a big girl bath for easter. She was thrilled as you may imagine. I would be too if I got to take my first bath in the whale tub.

She actually liked this much more than it appears! Note the new button!

She actually survived the bath and lived to tell about it. Thanks for the beautiful towel malinda!Whew.. now I am ok!

The night before easter she abandoned her previously great sleeping patterns of approx 3 hours at a time for a 1/5-2 hour stretch between waking... which meant that I slept in 1 hour intervals more or less. needless to say we did not make it to the sunrise service. This prompted the "Dress how we act movement" observed below.

This is also comical because those of you who were around in August through December know that this is how I referred to my sweet little girl. Not something I am proud of, but sometimes, I hate to say, she lives up to it! Also. this is how she sleeps when she is not swaddled. How funny?

We did however go to the early service and she wore a great little smocked easter dress that Mrs. Finnern, my friend Kathryn's mom, got for her on our girl's trip to New Orleans. Enjoy the pics.

My first easter dress! I love the smocking!

Why I am not a professional photographer!

This is the link that I posted a couple of days ago... I guess about a week now. You can visit her blog at www.ashleighpeak.squarespot.com. Didn't she do an amazing job? I can't wait to see the rest.

After Ashleigh Peak came and took amazing pictures of Lilly, I decided to try my hand at the artistic. I mean really, how hard could it be. My sister had given me a bouquet of huge stargazer lilies when Lilly was born, and I wanted to take some pictures of Lilly with the lilies before they died. Since my sister is very artistic and savvy the pressure was on. If the first picture worked out I was planning to try my luck and take another picture with the lilies the Bergerons had given us. By the way, as an aside, the Bergerons gave us lilies from 1-800-FLOWERS, they came closed up and gave us instructions on how to care for them. These things have been GORGEOUS, so if you are ever planning to send flowers with 1-800-FLOWERS, and can drop some dough, go with the lilies. They are still going strong 1.5 weeks later. OK, enough of that, on to the disaster. So I feel Lilly and get her all relaxed. I take a tip from Ashleigh and use a white back drop. I put Lilly down and go get the flowers. I neglected to take the little pollen things off the lily because I was not planning for her or anyone to touch them. Blake of course had already wanted me to take them off. I said, "no I got it." Well no sooner did I put them down, she morrowed, and there was pollen all over the sheet, me, and Lilly. My newborn looked like a umpa lumpa. The entire side of her body was orange, and wiping it did little to remove the stain!
Tara gave us these lilies the day Lilly was born... they opened beautifully!

These lilies are from the Bergerons.

Disaster number one

and two...

Later in the week, after we gave her a bath and cautiously removed the pollen stems, Lilly was sound asleep again and I went for it a second time, These worked out a little better, but nowhere near as great as Ashleigh's. This further confirms my lack of artistic capabilities even when I try really hard.

More Pictures

Greetings! Things are great in the Bergeron Household. Lilly is holding strong, eating somewhere between every hour and 4. I'm still on vacation for the rest of this week and the weekend which is nice, and Jaclyn is trying to cram some sleep in when she can. We have given her a few sponge baths to this point which she doesn't really mind. Plus, it gives us a great chance for pictures in her Cookie Monster hooded towel. (I really, really wish they would make one of those in Adult sizes because I would ROCK THAT!).

Mom (Pam) brought down the cradle that I used when I was a baby, and now Lilly sleeps there at night, and she really seems to like it.
She really is very alert when she is awake. Thanks for all the support thus far, we really appreciate it.

Motherhood... wow what an experience.

Lilly and her flower band on her first day home from the hospital. She is so fashionable

This is one of my favorite pictures. This is what she always looked like when she was wheeled into the room at night to eat. What sweet bonding times we have when we are both tired. It is our private time!

As everyone knows, my beautiful daughter was born at 0756am on March 29. In these few short days, my life has completely turned upside down. All my preconceived notions and thoughts have been tossed out the window for a richer perspective. I stare down at my little girl and wonder how I could have every wanted a puppy rather than a baby. I find myself awake at 3am thinking how did i get so lucky to be awake at 3am with this wonderful creation. How could anyone deny the existence of God when you look at these little ones and ponder how they were created from two cells.
Throughout the pregnancy, especially in the first few months, I shutter to think about my cavalier attitude towards pregnancy, motherhood, nursing, pretty much everything. I am not sure I would have done much different in terms of staying active and pretending that I was not pregnant, but I am sure that some of my comments made to draw a laugh or poke fun of the little one I was carrying, I would have never said. Perhaps it is the hormones, or just my overwhelming love of this little one, but I am quite certain that any discomfort I might have experienced was well worth the pain. How could I have been so blessed.
Up until the day of her birth I was concerned that I might not love her enough. I was unable to imagine how I might love something enough to want to take her everywhere and plan my life around her. For three years Blake and I have been able to go as we pleased and do what we wanted at the spur of a moment. I thought I would miss the spontaneity, the quick/long car trips with no stops, but alas, now I can't imagine going somewhere without her, nor can i understand why i was so worried about it. When I say my perspective has done a 180, that might be an understatement.
Here are some of the jewels God has given me in the past week. Some are more sentimental than others.
1. The way your child recognizes and cuddles with her mother is different than she cuddles with others. They really do know you. She curls up on my chest and sighs and reaches for my face and I almost immediately tear up. She is perfect in my eyes, though I know we are all born fallen, she seems a little closer to heaven.
2. When babies open their eyes and take in the world, you can almost see the blank slate being filled. Everything is new and interesting... not that she can see that much yet, but I can imagine.
3. C-sections are the way to go... I don't know if it is a tribute to staying active during pregnancy or what but my recovery has been very easy, and while I am not quite up to my normal level of activity, I am not bothered much by the limitation. And I have none of the other pain involved in a vaginal delivery... for that I am thankful. Especially since she was 8lb 14 oz
4. I never thought I could love something so much. I don't remember what occupied that space of my heart before she got here... even as I type this the hormones have kicked in- waterworks everywhere... I can't even control it. This from the girl who hardly ever cries in public.
5. I want nothing more than to protect her from everything- I can't even imagine what I will feel when someone hurts her feelings, or when she comes to me crying. It is funny how the one thing I always struggle with is handing control of all situations to the Lord. Given that constant struggle, I have not been dealt the ultimate challenge. It is even more difficult to automatically remember that this dear one is held in the palm of His hands, and if I fail to remember that the enormity of my responsibility to protect her is overwhelming and impossible. I am not sure I can even put in to words how much I desire for her life to be as painless as possible. In one fell swoop your focus switches from yourself and your own well being, to hers.
6. Having your own child puts the sacrificial atonement of Jesus even more real. You can almost relate to the mind blowing love the Father has for us. I cannot imagine a love great enough to offer my daughter to anyone!
7. Babies purr kinda like kittens... My favorite thing is her snuggling and purring.
8. After you no longer have an infant in your stomach, you can actually dance with your husband and not have a barrier :)
9. I can't listen to any sentimental songs without immediately tearing up. In fact I don't need to have a reason to cry. Every night at about 6 or 7 I get a little weepy, and anything, as little as looking at her, or someone telling me that I should enjoy the moments because they pass so quickly will set me off. By the way, once you have the precious little one, you are very aware at how fast the moments pass. She is already 1 week old. I can't measure her in days anymore. sad day! Not being a huge fan of uncontrolled emotion, I am ready for the hormones to balance out.
10. Mothers grow supersonic ears. I was able to hear Lilly start to wake up, turn on the light, feed her, change her diaper, snuggle her, and burp her without Blake even hearing her. Really?
11. The first thing that I noticed about her that had changed: She grew eyelashes!
12. Babies make the sweetest faces when they are sleeping, or even awake. She has an Elvis smirk, appropriate given her birth city, she smiles, she frowns, and does this little O shape with her mouth which I love. Well... let's be honest I pretty much love everything about her.
13. Having a baby has made me love my mom even more, if that was possible. I totally understand how much my mom loves me. I cannot thank her enough for all her unconditional love, support, advice and understanding. She might be the best mom ever! She allowed me to be independent and forced me to make my own decisions, while carefully guiding me and influencing me to make wise ones. She has been here for the last 2 weeks and I could not have done it without her. She is up when I feed her in the middle of the night (part of her inability to sleep) and keeps me company when I am about to fall asleep. I hear her reading the same books to Lilly that she read to me, and it warms my heart. It is the sweetest thing. She has busted tail to make the house look wonderful and to make sure my transition to motherhood was as atraumatic as possible. It breaks my hear that life has taken us to Memphis, and that she will not be around as much. She is such a great Grandma. Lilly is a lucky girl! I love you mom.

Me and mom the day before Lilly was scheduled to come. This is the last belly pic :) She kept saying... "wow it really is like a basketball... I can't believe it, I was huge!"

Lilly has a photo shoot

I hate for this to be my inaugural blog as a new mom.... trust me I have a lot to comment on. In six short days my life has completely changed for the better. I didn't have any concept of what this little one would do to me. I really want to blog on this so that I can remember what I was thinking during these first few precious days. This however will take me a bit longer. For now, here are some photos that were taken by a professional photographer to help with her portfolio. Please check it out, and if you are in Memphis and need a photographer, give her a call! The photos are amazing. http://ashleighpeak.squarespace.com.

We're Home!

It's Blake. After 3 nights in the hospital, only 2 DAYS!! of pain medication for Jaclyn (after a major abdominal surgery), and an overwhelming generous and loving group of family and friends, we made it home this afternoon. We got Lilly loaded in her car seat, which she did not seem to mind actually, then got loaded in the car for the first time as a family. The drive home was nice; Lilly did not appreciate the slow driving as evident by her little screams but on the interstate she did great. She was awake the entire drive home! Jaclyn's mom, Ruth Ann had spent the past several days cleaning the house and getting it ready b/c she was going to stay with us for the next week or so, and it looked amazing. We were greeted by a huge stork balloon, a sign over our door and then followed up by a beautiful bouquet of fresh Lillies from my mom, Pam.

I am still trying to fully process what it means to now have a daughter, to be a dad and a husband at the same time. I will probably blog about this in the coming days. I just know that I am blessed infinitely beyond what I deserve. For now...what everyone looks at blogs for anyways...PICTURES!!! I do think she is most beautiful baby ever, and I feel that I have some authority to say that b/c I am a pediatrician.