Motherhood... wow what an experience.

Lilly and her flower band on her first day home from the hospital. She is so fashionable

This is one of my favorite pictures. This is what she always looked like when she was wheeled into the room at night to eat. What sweet bonding times we have when we are both tired. It is our private time!

As everyone knows, my beautiful daughter was born at 0756am on March 29. In these few short days, my life has completely turned upside down. All my preconceived notions and thoughts have been tossed out the window for a richer perspective. I stare down at my little girl and wonder how I could have every wanted a puppy rather than a baby. I find myself awake at 3am thinking how did i get so lucky to be awake at 3am with this wonderful creation. How could anyone deny the existence of God when you look at these little ones and ponder how they were created from two cells.
Throughout the pregnancy, especially in the first few months, I shutter to think about my cavalier attitude towards pregnancy, motherhood, nursing, pretty much everything. I am not sure I would have done much different in terms of staying active and pretending that I was not pregnant, but I am sure that some of my comments made to draw a laugh or poke fun of the little one I was carrying, I would have never said. Perhaps it is the hormones, or just my overwhelming love of this little one, but I am quite certain that any discomfort I might have experienced was well worth the pain. How could I have been so blessed.
Up until the day of her birth I was concerned that I might not love her enough. I was unable to imagine how I might love something enough to want to take her everywhere and plan my life around her. For three years Blake and I have been able to go as we pleased and do what we wanted at the spur of a moment. I thought I would miss the spontaneity, the quick/long car trips with no stops, but alas, now I can't imagine going somewhere without her, nor can i understand why i was so worried about it. When I say my perspective has done a 180, that might be an understatement.
Here are some of the jewels God has given me in the past week. Some are more sentimental than others.
1. The way your child recognizes and cuddles with her mother is different than she cuddles with others. They really do know you. She curls up on my chest and sighs and reaches for my face and I almost immediately tear up. She is perfect in my eyes, though I know we are all born fallen, she seems a little closer to heaven.
2. When babies open their eyes and take in the world, you can almost see the blank slate being filled. Everything is new and interesting... not that she can see that much yet, but I can imagine.
3. C-sections are the way to go... I don't know if it is a tribute to staying active during pregnancy or what but my recovery has been very easy, and while I am not quite up to my normal level of activity, I am not bothered much by the limitation. And I have none of the other pain involved in a vaginal delivery... for that I am thankful. Especially since she was 8lb 14 oz
4. I never thought I could love something so much. I don't remember what occupied that space of my heart before she got here... even as I type this the hormones have kicked in- waterworks everywhere... I can't even control it. This from the girl who hardly ever cries in public.
5. I want nothing more than to protect her from everything- I can't even imagine what I will feel when someone hurts her feelings, or when she comes to me crying. It is funny how the one thing I always struggle with is handing control of all situations to the Lord. Given that constant struggle, I have not been dealt the ultimate challenge. It is even more difficult to automatically remember that this dear one is held in the palm of His hands, and if I fail to remember that the enormity of my responsibility to protect her is overwhelming and impossible. I am not sure I can even put in to words how much I desire for her life to be as painless as possible. In one fell swoop your focus switches from yourself and your own well being, to hers.
6. Having your own child puts the sacrificial atonement of Jesus even more real. You can almost relate to the mind blowing love the Father has for us. I cannot imagine a love great enough to offer my daughter to anyone!
7. Babies purr kinda like kittens... My favorite thing is her snuggling and purring.
8. After you no longer have an infant in your stomach, you can actually dance with your husband and not have a barrier :)
9. I can't listen to any sentimental songs without immediately tearing up. In fact I don't need to have a reason to cry. Every night at about 6 or 7 I get a little weepy, and anything, as little as looking at her, or someone telling me that I should enjoy the moments because they pass so quickly will set me off. By the way, once you have the precious little one, you are very aware at how fast the moments pass. She is already 1 week old. I can't measure her in days anymore. sad day! Not being a huge fan of uncontrolled emotion, I am ready for the hormones to balance out.
10. Mothers grow supersonic ears. I was able to hear Lilly start to wake up, turn on the light, feed her, change her diaper, snuggle her, and burp her without Blake even hearing her. Really?
11. The first thing that I noticed about her that had changed: She grew eyelashes!
12. Babies make the sweetest faces when they are sleeping, or even awake. She has an Elvis smirk, appropriate given her birth city, she smiles, she frowns, and does this little O shape with her mouth which I love. Well... let's be honest I pretty much love everything about her.
13. Having a baby has made me love my mom even more, if that was possible. I totally understand how much my mom loves me. I cannot thank her enough for all her unconditional love, support, advice and understanding. She might be the best mom ever! She allowed me to be independent and forced me to make my own decisions, while carefully guiding me and influencing me to make wise ones. She has been here for the last 2 weeks and I could not have done it without her. She is up when I feed her in the middle of the night (part of her inability to sleep) and keeps me company when I am about to fall asleep. I hear her reading the same books to Lilly that she read to me, and it warms my heart. It is the sweetest thing. She has busted tail to make the house look wonderful and to make sure my transition to motherhood was as atraumatic as possible. It breaks my hear that life has taken us to Memphis, and that she will not be around as much. She is such a great Grandma. Lilly is a lucky girl! I love you mom.

Me and mom the day before Lilly was scheduled to come. This is the last belly pic :) She kept saying... "wow it really is like a basketball... I can't believe it, I was huge!"